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  “Of course I’m sure,” he said as we pulled into the hospital parking lot. It seemed like for one reason or another, we were always pulling into this place. I was sick of it and never wanted to see it again.

  “He’ll be here. The serum is in the lab, along with his research notes. He won’t leave town without them. It’s only a matter of time before he shows up here and I’ll be waiting for him. When I get him, I’ll call your police officer friend.”

  Back at the house, Kate had been more than a little embarrassed in front of James and his partner after Nathaniel had disappeared through the back door. It was a strange scene and they had no idea what was going on. Kate kept telling them that a killer had just escaped and when Dr. Mortimer returned, he kept talking about his brother needing psychological help. They soon left, but told Kate to call them again if she found Nathaniel. They would come back.

  “They said they will come as soon as you call,” Kate said.

  “Good,” Dr. Mortimer said. “Because I know he’ll be back here to pick up everything before light. And if I don’t get him, he’ll vanish. He has the means to disappear for a long, long time and he’ll just find another town to live in to conduct his experiments. I have to get him here tonight.”

  “Oh, he’ll be back here in Bend,” Kate said dryly. “He’ll come for Abby. He made that real clear before he slipped away.”

  Dr. Mortimer sighed. I could feel his guilt and it made me sad. The way I saw it, none of this was his fault, not really. But he was consumed by it.

  And then, of course, there was Kate. I was sure that this wouldn’t sit well with her. She wouldn’t have liked that Dr. Mortimer hadn’t called the police right away, that he protected a murderer, even if it was his younger brother. It was a relationship breaker.

  “Then just get him tonight, Ben,” Kate said.

  He nodded and glanced at his watch as he parked the car.

  “I want you two to go home, try to get some rest. Especially you Abby. I’ll call you Kate as soon as I have him. I promise.”

  He handed her his car keys. We watched as he walked in the snow toward the sliding glass doors.

  CHAPTER 34

  But Nathaniel got away.

  On hindsight, it was foolish to think that we could actually catch him. I thought about this as I walked to class. Nathaniel was very methodical. Of course he had planned an escape. He was always a few steps ahead of everybody.

  Dr. Mortimer told us that he had confronted Nathaniel at about three in the morning. A fight broke out, and Nathaniel wrapped his arm around Dr. Mortimer’s neck and squeezed until he passed out. It sounded like the same move I had seen him use in my vision with the teacher.

  Kate was a little suspicious of the story. I could tell and she regretted leaving that night. It’s not that she was calling Dr. Mortimer a liar, it was just that Nathaniel was his brother and Kate understood those things. Blood was thicker than water, she told me as she shrugged. Not everybody would be comfortable turning their brother over to authorities. Maybe Dr. Mortimer was like that. I wasn’t sure.

  Dr. Mortimer said that Nathaniel would be in hiding for a while, and that he wouldn’t come back for a long time. He would leave me alone. He told me not to worry and that he would protect me.

  But it was hard not to worry. I knew Nathaniel would never be too far for too long. After all, like he said. We were somehow linked.

  I told Jesse everything at lunch. He saw how upset I was and moved next to me, even putting his arm around me to stop my shaking. Amanda shot us a nasty look, but I just didn’t care anymore. There were bigger things to think about now.

  “Craigers, okay, now it’s time to let all this all go. Move forward. Think about Abby for a change.”

  I nodded. It felt so right sitting with Jesse. I loved him even more than before. He was what I wanted.

  “I still want to talk, you know. Not here, not now at school. Stop avoiding it, damn it. I have things I need to say to you.”

  He pulled me tighter. He smelled good.

  “All right, we’ll talk, I promise,” he said. “But I have a coach I need to see about letting me back on the team and then I’m helping the old man again at the garage. Wish me luck!”

  I was happy Jesse was trying to get back on the team. It was where he belonged.

  “I know you can do it. Make him listen. And stop skipping practice or I’m gonna lock up your snowboard until summer.”

  Jesse laughed. It was a thick and hearty chuckle and it made me smile just hearing it.

  “Okay, gotta get going,” he said and walked off.

  I threw out my trash and went to the library. I was really going to try harder for the rest of the semester. Maybe I could get my grades up, at least a little.

  I thought about Dr. Mortimer. I couldn’t blame him for not wanting Nathaniel to go to jail. I knew Kate didn’t feel the same, but I wouldn’t let anybody take Kate away from me. The way I saw it, it was what families did. I was hoping Kate would see it that way eventually.

  After school, I headed over to Dr. Krowe’s office. I was expecting him to bring up visiting the lake again. He was right. I was ready and I decided that I would go in the spring, when the weather was better. Different.

  I also decided that I was ready to talk to him. About everything. The visions, the Mortimer brothers, how I had seen the college teacher dead in the river. I knew Dr. Krowe was a key to my healing and I was hoping that by telling him everything, I would get something in return. That all the memories that were trapped at the bottom of that dark lake would rise up and come back me.

  CHAPTER 35

  I saw it in the distance as we pulled onto a gravel road. Dr. Krowe and Kate were in the front seat. It was May now, but there was still snow on the banks. The water shimmered in the sun.

  I told them that I needed a few minutes by myself. They stayed in the car as I walked up to the lake, the warmth feeling good on my face. It was time. Time to face it.

  I knew Jesse would be there. He was standing at the edge of the water, throwing stones and watching them skip playfully across the surface.

  “Hey, Craigers,” he said as I walked up. I smiled and gave him a long hug. It was good to be held in his arms.

  “Hey, Jess,” I said.

  We sat down on a log. He twirled a pine needle between his fingers. The sun was shifting in the trees that were blowing in the wind. It felt like summer: free, breezy, relaxed. Days where he would ride his skateboard alongside me or we would go to the farmer’s market or shoot some hoops. Or play soccer, just the two of us, at the park by the river, Jesse in goal and me slamming in shots one after another.

  Jesse adjusted his hat, squinted from the brightness.

  “So, Dr. Krowe has really helped you, huh?” he said.

  I nodded.

  Even in my black and white world, Jesse looked so real. I put my hand on his shoulder.

  “You needed help, that’s all,” he said. “So I figured I should stay around a little longer. And they let me. I kept waking up in my old bed every morning, smelling bacon from the kitchen, hearing my dad talk to himself while he made coffee. I just figured I’d stay and help until you were okay to be on your own.”

  He pushed up his hat to the very tip of his head revealing the huge, horrible scar that ran across his entire forehead, from where he had gone through the windshield last March when we were driving back from the mountain. I put my fingers on it, rubbed it. It felt real, too. Big, fat tears started rolling down my face as I traced over it.

  “So, you understand then,” he said. “That I don’t live in this world anymore.”

  “Yeah, I remember now, Jesse.” I held his hand. “I remember everything.”

  We were coming back from Mt. Bachelor. We had just finished the best day ever of snowboarding. The snow had been fresh and perfect, pure powder magic. We had great runs and ended the day with a cheeseburger and fries at the lodge, and then started driving back home.

  Metallica blasted
in the background. Jesse was driving his blue Land Rover. Too fast, as usual. I never told Jesse to slow down, but I remember that on that day I had on account of the weather. And he did, for a while, but picked up speed again. He was always such a speed freak. He couldn’t help it. On the basketball court, behind the wheel. It was just who he was.

  He passed cars that were going slow. Music filled the car, drum solos pounding behind our conversation. We were talking about Amanda. She had wanted to go snowboarding with Jesse and didn’t like that we were hanging out together so much. Amanda knew what was developing. She had sensed something was happening between us, now that I had split up with Conner. She knew that Jesse loved me.

  “Okay, don’t get mad,” he said as we drove. Big flakes were falling and sticking to the car. There were thick patches of ice on the road. “I didn’t tell her you were coming up with me today. I told her I needed to think about our relationship on my own. So if she asks, you weren’t here.”

  A wave of guilt radiated through me. I didn’t like lying, didn’t like sneaking around. I didn’t know what would end up happening with us, but they had been together for a while. And seriously together. I didn’t want to be the cause of the breakup. It made me feel terrible.

  But it was obvious, and Jesse knew my feelings for him had changed since the night under the stars. We loved each other.

  “Don’t worry, Craigers, I’ll fix this. It’ll all be fine,” and he placed his hand on my thigh and the music was loud and my heart thumped like crazy and I felt so good inside.

  “Okay,” I said.

  “I feel bad too, you know, but I don’t love her. I love you. Always have. I wish it hadn’t played out like this, but I’ve been waiting for you since we were kids,” he said, his green eyes melting into mine. “I’m not ever letting you go.”

  And then we hit the ice.

  “So your memory is back,” he said.

  “Yeah, seems so,” I said, more tears streaming down my face.

  Jesse sighed a heavy, sad sigh. It was the saddest sigh I had ever heard in my entire life.

  “It’s all my fault. I was so stupid. I am so, so very sorry,” he said, pushing my tears away with the back of his hand. “You and my dad were right. I was always going too fast. I’m an idiot. Don’t you see? I ruined us.”

  “Jesse,” I said, “you need to forgive yourself.”

  He shook his head, but I could see his eyes were filled and glassy. It broke my heart to see him so sad.

  I put my head on his shoulder and felt his arm around me. We stared out at the lake. The sun was hitting the soft waves at such a perfect angle now. It looked so beautiful. It was hard to believe that it held such darkness.

  “I hate this place,” he said.

  “Do you come here a lot?” I asked.

  “All the time,” he said. He pointed.

  “See there, that’s where you went in. Somehow, you flew out of the car before it crashed into the tree. You mustn’t have had your seatbelt on, because you were thrown clear, right into the lake. There was a layer of ice on top back then, of course. You went through, but some guys pulled you out.”

  I remembered that white surface cracking under my weight and then the icy water engulfing me. My body was in shock. I was so cold, and I was trying to hold my breath. I tried for as long as I could until I couldn’t, until I had to breathe, inhale that dark icy water. And then I sunk down.

  “And there’s the tree that the car finally bashed into,” he said, pointing again. “I died instantly. There was no pain. I want you to know that. You’ve had a much harder time with everything.”

  I sighed.

  I looked behind me. Dr. Krowe was in his car, smoking, and Kate was doing something on her phone. He waved when I looked back.

  “What are you exactly? Are you just in my imagination or a real ghost? I don’t understand really.”

  Jesse stared out.

  “I think I’m real. I feel real, but I’m not sure. I’m in contact with others sometimes. They say that I’m trapped between two worlds. Like you, Craigers.”

  “What?”

  “Well, you weren’t supposed to come back,” he said. “You were supposed to have died with me. But the doctor pulled you back as you were transitioning, just as you were coming over.”

  I wiped my face. We were supposed to be together.

  “And I was waiting for you too. And then suddenly you weren’t there and I was alone. Terribly alone. I found out that you were staying in this world. Mostly.”

  My stomach tensed. That last word sent a chill through my body.

  “Mostly?” I asked.

  “Yeah. You didn’t come back all the way.”

  That was true, I hadn’t come back whole. I wasn’t completely in this world anymore. Not like I used to be.

  “You’re an in-betweener,” he said. “That’s what they call you. Me too, right now anyway. Only from over here, the dead side.”

  So there it was. Jesse was a ghost in my world and I was one in his, linked by love or friendship or something else, something deep that connected us through the darkness between the two sides.

  “So, you’re not my imagination,” I said.

  “No, I don’t think so,” he said. “But Dr. Krowe and your sister won’t believe it. Everyone has been trying to tell you about me being dead since you woke up in the hospital that night. But you never believed them, so they’ve been careful around you, trying to give you room to heal. When you started seeing Dr. Krowe, they were hoping that you would have some breakthroughs. They thought that maybe going back to school would help too.”

  I thought for a moment.

  “But Jesse, seeing you at school and other places didn’t helped me accept your death,” I said. “I mean, in a way, I wasn’t wrong. How was I supposed to know you were dead?”

  “Yeah, I know,” he said, tugging at his hat. “Sorry. I just slipped back into our old routine. It was just, I don’t know, natural I guess.”

  “So that’s why you didn’t make the basketball team. On account of being dead and all,” I said.

  He smiled.

  “Yeah, that would be why. But I still practice sometimes with the guys. None of them can see me. Except that little twerp Phil. He can see me, but I scare him. He doesn’t try to talk to me or anything, but I catch him staring at me in horror sometimes.”

  Jesse laughed.

  “And your dad that time in front of your house? He didn’t see you in the car, he just saw that I stopped by.”

  “Yep,” he said. “He’s so sad all the time. It’s hard to see him like that. I need your help with him. Please tell him I’m okay.”

  “Of course,” I said. And more and more pieces fit together about everything that happened this past year. Why his dad hadn’t fixed the car, why he was gone from school snowboarding all the time.

  Jesse was a ghost.

  I heard the car door open behind us and turned to see Dr. Krowe and Kate making their way over to me.

  “Do I tell them?” I asked.

  “That’s up to you. But don’t expect too much. Dr. Krowe is a psychologist, you know. That’s where he’ll look first. Your head.”

  “Yeah, but he’s helped me a lot,” I said. “He helped me get here.”

  “You have some good people around you, Craigers. You’ll be okay now.”

  He took my hand and squeezed it hard. My heart thundered in my chest.

  “You’re staying, right Jesse? Please stay. I can’t bare it without you. Please don’t go.”

  “You don’t really need me anymore. You have everything now to live a great life. And you will. I know it. And it’s going to be magnificent.”

  He leaned over and kissed me, strong and full of passion. The kiss I’d been waiting for.

  I heard soft footsteps on the gravel behind me. I turned to say hello and when I turned back, Jesse was gone.

  *

  Dr. Krowe drove us back to town and nobody said anything.

 
When we were standing by the lake, I told them that I remembered the accident and that Jesse had been killed. I didn’t mention that I had just spoken with his ghost.

  It was emotional. Kate cried hard, told me they had tried to get me to understand for the first few months, but that I refused to believe it. I didn’t remember any of that, but I was pretty sure that those memories would be coming back soon.

  As we drove, a strange thought crept in my mind. Jesse had said that the doctor had saved me, had brought me back to life. But I didn’t know which Mortimer brother he was talking about. I knew that Jesse would say it didn’t matter, to let all that go. But it mattered to me. I needed to know which one I owed my life to.

  Kate still wasn’t speaking to Dr. Mortimer, but he still emailed me and even once stopped by like he used to and checked on my progress. I hoped we all could be friends again someday, that the tension could eventually melt away. I didn’t know if they would ever get back together, but I knew now that he really was a good man. Kate was right about that. And she deserved someone who could make her happy. Maybe with the summer coming. Good things always happened in the summer.

  The sky was bright and cloudless and I imagined it looked like one of those perfect Bend days that I used to love so much. Big and blue, with a brilliant sun high and strong in the sky.

  I knew Jesse would be back. And if not, I would go and find him. Somehow. Some way.

  THE END

  44, Book II

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